bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I think I won the penis lottery.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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