In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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