i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's blow job season.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
