in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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