She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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