i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
