What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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