I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
