Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
