Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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