Hey man sorry I got all grabby
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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