She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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