Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
