i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize