i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
