I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Come see our sink grown plant.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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