I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
