Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
