Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize