oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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