Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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