Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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