Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
