U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
