You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
