I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
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