so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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