You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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