Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
