I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
