The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
zippers are such a cool invention
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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