you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
