did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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