Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
