I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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