Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I have aggressive nipples.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
