He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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