Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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