even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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