New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
