I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
