Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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