your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
