girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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