Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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