My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
