those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
