so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
