why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I wish there were birth control emojis
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
