She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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