Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He did a backflip because drugs
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
