he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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