The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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