just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
