my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
false alarm, still single
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
