Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
