flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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