Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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