need another drink. this is the easiest way
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
