she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
