so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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