so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
