I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Welp...herpes.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize