and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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