Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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