Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
