Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He? As in you personified your dick?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
