Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
