she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
