And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
