In the future we'll all be gay
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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