how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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