i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
