New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
