an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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