i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
