Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
