I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
