It's like God shit irony all over that family
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
