pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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