my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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