Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
