So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
