My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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