Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
