Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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