I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
