My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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