walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
