drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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