Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
