If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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