Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
