I think my fart just growled at me.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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