This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
