I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
