Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
