well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
