Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
