when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
