i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
