i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize